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Greetings, We are officially several days into Spring, so as promised, I am writing again to say hello and share some thoughts and news in no particular order. Sort of like the weather patterns these days— how weird was that heat wave before the last day of winter? My body was sure we were entering summer, but my calendar clearly reflected the bustling April schedule and outline of life with busy children as they round third and race towards the end of yet another school year. My daughter started middle school this year and was recently required to design and conduct an experiment to present in a science fair. She was encouraged to study something meaningful to her, so my skin-care conscious daughter decided to test the effectiveness of various face moisturizers. Do the trendy ones work better than the “no-name” brands? Are the expensive products truly superior in quality? She discovered a device that measures moisture levels in the skin, chose her products and ran her tests. When I checked in to see how the project was going, she bemoaned that her study had failed and she would need to start all over. She explained that her results were the same across the board and therefore the experiment hadn’t worked. Research Methods certainly wasn’t my strongest subject, so I directed her back to her
teacher for help. If you see where this is going, congratulations, you have better perspective than both my daughter and I. Luckily for us the wise science teacher corrected our interpretation that the experiment had failed; not at all! What we learned from the study was that all the moisturizers she tested worked exactly the same. We were so focused on the expected outcome, we didn’t see the different but still valuable knowledge we gained instead. My own recent experiment was the one I shared in my last newsletter, the launching of a therapeutic writing group called Write Your Heart Out (WYHO) which I set out to offer twice a week indefinitely. I imagined that I would discover either 1) there is no interest/need for this kind of offering at this time, or 2) this is wildly popular and will keep my fellow writers and me happy for ages to come. But I failed sort of like my daughter did in that the outcome was not either of the two I had anticipated. Many people responded to my announcement by communicating to me their love of writing as a path for healing and source of insight. Questions were asked and strategies were shared. Some folks signed up for the groups and became my first WYHO participants. The groups have been rich and rewarding, and participants reported that the prompts were helpful. They even returned for subsequent groups!! Always a good sign. But no, they could not come every single week. Others asked if I could support them with therapeutic writing in individual sessions, and one instigated an ongoing, pen pal conversation over email, which in effect, is writing about writing! Down yet another unexpected sideroad, I will now be offering therapeutic writing as a clinical training for developing therapists at one of the organizations where I supervise. These were not the outcomes I was anticipating, and yet I have loved each and every one of these connections and developments through and about writing for healing. Like my daughter’s experiment, my results were unexpected, yet powerfully useful. As I digest this information, I’m becoming clear that I need to adapt the WYHO offering. Twice a week, it turns out, is not sustainable for me or for my participants. At least for now. Instead, I’d like to offer a standing monthly group over Zoom, third Fridays starting April 17, 11-12:15; open format, meaning come when you can. And I am also available for individual or group support around therapeutic writing upon request. Please email me with any questions or interest! As before, I can’t miss the opportunity to offer a wellness check, because so much that is happening in the world isn’t and doesn’t feel okay. The news—local, national and beyond— is incredibly hard to behold. There are no easy solutions to situations as complex and problematic as what we collectively face at this time. And yet when I meditate on the suffering and chaos at hand, a relatively simple concept does emerge for me, and it’s that all the awfulness can be boiled down to perpetuation of trauma and re-enactment of abuse. When I see things through this lens, I can identify not a solution exactly, but at least a response, which is to cultivate the opposite. The opposite of abuse and trauma is safety and healing. I can turn my effort towards being safe, advocating for safety, and facilitating healing whenever, wherever and however I can. It may only be a drop in the bucket, but it’s the only drop I can even sort of control. Plus, we remember what Rumi said about drops: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop.” We’re all connected. Your wellness matters, and your effort makes a difference. Let me know if you want to write or talk about writing with me. And either way, may you be healthy and safe and have all the support that you need. I will look forward to seeing you when/where I typically get to, and/or I’ll write again over summer—actual, schools-out-for-summer, not just a weird winter fakey. Thank you friends, Erin Pollaro
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
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